Couple Ol' Storytellers,
Breast Milk

Are you kind?

“Dog In The Butter”

Internal Document

Subject opened a Twitter account on September 2, 2010. Final post to that account would arrive on September 30, 2010.

The following is a transcript of all tweets published those 21 days.

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Excuse me while I kiss the sky.

9.02.10

9:10 AM

Thinking about buying Burger King.

9.02.10

9:20 AM

Dang. Burger King purchased today.

9.02.10

11:51 AM

And I love their original chicken sandwich. Definitely Top 5 of the fast food delicacies.

9.02.10

11:52 AM

Color me burned.

9.02.10

11:52 AM

always follow your impulse.

9.02.10

12:15 AM

@littlefoot72 you and me, turd. you and me.

9.02.10

11:53 PM

would I be cooler had I been born in 1990?

9.02.10

11:54 PM

@gonzotruk I know, I know. we used to be hilarious.

9.02.10

11:57 PM

i’m pretty tired

9.03.10

12:06 AM

Definitely tired.

9.03.10

12:09 AM

if I had another me… hmm…

9.03.10

12:23AM

did u see that thing about how small the sun is?? what’s next???

9.03.10

12:25 AM

I’m growing leaves out of my body like a tree. I can’t bend over

9.03.10

2:33 AM

the Jackson Five should have been called Michael Jackson

9.03.10

2:34 AM

@fivefingeredjackson i just mean that tito is extremely good looking

9.03.10

2:40 AM

sometimes things don’t come out like u mean ‘em… lol

9.03.10

2:46 AM

ime tired

9.03.10

3:12 AM

my cat cut a fart that smells like a Slim Jim – I’m half disgusted, half starving

9.03.10

3:50 AM

@missy2jingle i know!! they all taste like that

9.03.10

4:01 AM

anybody got five bucks I can borrow?

9.03.10

10:42 AM

@bedsidemanor thank you. yeah. the sweats broke. couple weeks we'll be having the time of our life.

9.04.10

1:09 PM

if you can’t smoke a frog, lick it.

9.04.10

1:12 PM

I meant to say that if you can lick a frog, join it.

9.04.10

1:31 PM

The Reasons Why Everything All The Time

9.04.10

1:37 PM

Duck Man awoke in the fecal position. His first thought: “I’m under water.”

9.05.10

11:52 AM

Reluctantly he reached for the Duck suit.

9.05.10

11:54 AM

That uncomfortable pulling it over the body.

9:05.10

11:54 AM

The stretch, the fight.

9.05.10

11:55 AM

The sound of the rubber mask snapping into place over his face.

9.05.10

11:56 AM

Every inch of him chafed, pulled tight, hot in the unbreathing suit, i

9.05.10

12:02 PM

t was all he could do to maintain balance on his tipped toes.

9.05.10

12:02 PM

“Take a good look at me,” he thought. “Dang.”

9.05.10

12:02 PM

@tallymebanana try motor oil and fescue...

9.05.10

12:11 PM

@thefruitofferment the not knowing what to do in this, yes. increasingly. maybe we can get together when you're out.

9.05.10

12:20 PM

keening is the noisome world

9.05.10

11:25 PM

as seen up close at a great distance

9.06.10

4:16 PM

was running down hill in dream fell sprained my mind. anybody 17 bucks i borrow?

9.07.10

4:12 PM

i strive all the time to not be man

9.08.10

12:43 AM

a bunch of skinny arbuckles

9.09.10

8:42 PM

dream clatter: all the silverware falling to the floor in the kitchen. you in another room listening.

9.11.10

7:16 AM

you waking up the day long

9.11.10

7:32 AM

it was nice to converse with you up here in the trees, old friend. you are well and good, the antidote to time.

9.12.10

5:05 AM

@themorningknows remember that old game we used to play, "color me purple"?

9.15.10

7:20 AM

@bennyj At the letter's close he wrote, "If I could tell you not to worry..."

9.15.10

7:28 AM

@themorningknows there was no winner.

9.15. 10

7:34 AM

how many times can you look at the same thing and not see it

9.15.10

7:44 AM

@toothyperkins as far as i know, wilbur's still chasing the sun.

9.15.10

8:15 AM

If a “public” pool ain’t going to allow “cut offs” then I don’t know what. WHAT’S IT COMING TO????

9.17.10

6:51 AM

it’s pretty simple, folks: a public intolerant of cut offs is a public I will not be a part of. i’m sorry, but.

9.17.10

9:11 PM

A bunch of us marching on pool at noon.

9.18.10

6:47 AM

If you want to make yourself heard, put on your cut offs and meet us at shaved ice stand across street.

9.18.10

6:48 AM

will admit: more than a little disappointed with the turnout today for the Cut Off March On Municipal Pool.

9.18.10

7:40 PM

i guess it's true what they say about eagles flying alone and true soldiers standing on their own.

9.18.10

7:41 PM

@american-ricky thanks, ricky. that's okay. i've marched alone before. lol. i hope your mom's feeling better.

9.18.10

7:52 PM

@american-ricky if you can get off work maybe we'll do the march again next saturday??!??!!!! keep it real, ricky.

9.18.10

7:55 PM

that guy in Spiderman, Jerry McGwire, when he said “show me the money!”

9.18.10

7:58 PM

NOTE to EVERYONE: do not ask me how the rally went

9.19.10

6:10 AM

I’m the “pool is half full" kind of guy. I just want to fill the other half of it is all.

9.19.10

6:11 AM

I could do without people using the term "crap shoot."

9.19.10

6:11 AM

the warm fist/fruit in my chest

9.19.10

9:01 PM

He said something about never being able to get it all together. He said something about the nature of time.

9.26.10

10:31 AM

Then he said something about going into the woods and rocking a deuce

9.26.10

10:32 AM

how it is the natural position for a body to take

9:26:10

10:33 AM

creating a hole and squatting over it

9:26.10

10:33 AM

the fine line between mad scientist and loser

9.28.10

7:51 PM

I found some beatable savings today at the sigh factory outlet. One begins to wonder if one is feeling like one's self.

9.30.10

8:46 PM

Mel Gibson was born without a face.

9.30.10

4:11 AM

One-thousand one-hundred sixty-eight pages into Dungeons & Dungeons: American Youth Culture Post Atomic Bomb his hand just quit. The manuscript would stare at him, but he realized he had not the heart to carry on with it.

"The fact of the matter," as he explained it in a letter to a cousin, "is that I have a feeling like I can only describe as lightning inside of me."

Los Angeles, I figured out what it is:
I am too mortal for you.

Stuck between an Avalanche and a Hummer.

Photograph by Arianna Parsons

Familiar.

Well, it is technically "employment."
(See God laughing with us.)